Tales of an Imperfect Life Coach

Well, that there in the title is the kiss of death for any life coach who wants to be in business long. But what the fuck? I struggle to support my family right now anyway and I’m tired of pretending. I’m warning you now, this piece isn’t some cleaver, thought out, feel-good-in-the-end read. It’s tangential, vulnerable, and honest – well, my truth, anyway.  It’s probably not a pretty read (loaded with profanity but idgaf).  I really don’t plan on winning a Pulitzer with a blog post and I’m fed up as shit so what the hell!

The truth is that there are some really effective life coaches out there – and I’m one of them. But I would venture to say that a good 85% of us have a fucked up life in some way. None of us has all of our shit together.

None. Of. Us.

So what’s with the big show? Just look at any coaching website, or social media page, (Hell, even mine!) and you are blasted with picture perfect images. The meditation retreats in Bali? HA! Won it in a contest. The perfect family photos while on vacation? Paid for on the credit card and threatened family within an inch of their lives pre-photo. The happy smiles over leisurely coffee with colleagues? It’s really caffeine-fueled, wondering-if-I can-make-rent anxiety.

 I don’t claim to be speaking for the industry. I’m sure there are truly happy life coaches with thriving successful businesses out there. I’m just not one of them. And I’m tired of pretending that I am. Frankly, it’s pretty hard to maintain happiness ALL of the time.

I am so tired of looking like I have it all going on, when some days it’s a damn struggle to get dressed in real clothes. You know, not yoga pants and a cami? But god forbid I discuss what’s really going on with me – who would work with a life coach like that?? The fuck??

So back into the shame-filled, closet of self-defeat I go.

They say every good therapist has their own therapist. And every good life coach has their own life coach. But do we really mean it? Yes, ideally, that is the case. But realistically, is it?

 Maybe I’m just in a shitty mood because my life is not where I wanted it to be right now. Life is gritty, and it doesn’t have to be Pollyanna all the time – THAT’S NOT REAL. And anyone who presents a life of constant happiness is selling you a crock of shit. I should know. I’ve been peddling my own brand of it for years.

 Look, my Moon is in Scorpio – if you don’t know what that means, then you should have your birth chart read (by me, Hey!).  So, anyway, that means that I hide shit. And with my Sun in Virgo, I am a perfectionist. So, I look great on the outside. Present myself as being a Put Together Bitch. haha, jokes on you (well, I guess, really it’s on me) that’s only because I don’t talk about my inner self; about the maelstrom that exists inside me.

I don’t talk about how my marriage is sometimes held together with pretty glitter-laden Band-Aids and smiles. I don’t talk about how I wonder if I’ll make the car payment on my shiny car I was so proud to get last year. Mind you, I said, ‘if,’ not ‘how.’  

 That was a banner feat for me. I went down to the car lot all by myself and bought it. Got approved and everything. That was when my credit was good. Before I got behind on credit card payments. Why did I get behind? I’m old enough to know how the whole credit thing works. I didn’t get the cards thinking I couldn’t make the payments. I could. At the time. But then, I hadn’t planned on not being able to sustain my private therapy practice.

I finally closed it, much to the dismay of my clients. Again, I’m good at what I do. They loved me and heaped praise on me for their progress – little did they know that they made the progress themselves, I was just there to facilitate. And I loved my therapy clients. Fully enjoyed every one of them. I really felt privileged to go on that weekly journey with them. People worked their shit out! And I thought, “Man, I am making a difference in the world after all!”

But fuck if the insurance companies cared. The reimbursement for therapists is shockingly, shamefully low. I just couldn’t make it work. So the hubs and I made a grand plan. We were going to relocate to a much friendlier location that is totally cool with the woo woo kind of therapy and life coaching that I practice. And, get this….I would actually get a job with benefits and everything! He already had a job waiting for him there so it was perfect! I closed my practice and we were going to leave this place behind.

A new start. For the bliss chapter in our lives. Moderate temperatures, plenty of fresh air, green scenery, an outdoor way of life. Fresh and green, just like our lives. We’d make great money, have benefits, better education for our children, better opportunity for life adventures, friendlier people. It was going to be great.

 Then the job that I was up for fell through. It looked like it was going my way…and then they went with someone else.

 So there I was. No new job or new life. No private practice. A barely existing life coaching business (I had put it on the backburner while I focused on the private practice). The hubs working like a dog to barely scrape together enough to pay the bills – the essential bills, mind you. Not my credit card payments or my shiny new car payments. And so, there we have it.

I know, I know, what kind of stupid ass closes a private practice without a job to go to???

If you’ve read this far (Damn, good on ya!), bear with me for a just a bit longer if you would, please. I think I’m getting to something…. I’m not saying that my life is horrible, it is sprinkled with laughter and genuine moments of love. I cherish my children and I am fiercely loyal to my husband. I think that maybe I just backed myself into an if-I-smile-hard-enough-shit-will-magically-fall-into-place, place.

So what the fuck does all this have to do with anything? Honestly, I really don’t know if it has anything to do with anything. I just feel compelled to stop hiding right now, so I’ll harness it while it’s here. Next week, I could go back to the normal smiles and tales of triumphant victory over long ago hurdles I had to jump over.

That’s the thing isn’t it? The hook to successful life coaches is their story. Every life coach has a major hurdle that they overcame. Learned something in the process and are now passing it on to the people who will pay to know the secret.  Well, damn, don’t you know I’m doing that same thing right here in this post (or whatever the fuck this turns out to be)? Well, maybe not, because I am kinda right in the middle of this clusterfuck.  Definitely not on the other side of it telling an amazing story of overcoming adversity.   

What, if anything, can you glean out of this mess of words I’ve strung together? I guess, it’s this: Give yourself a break. None of us have this whole life thing figured out. I certainly don’t, and I’m a goddammed life coach with a Master’s degree in psychotherapy! And (big note to self here) stop trying to hide it. I could launch into a BIG rant about the inequality of society’s expectations of women here, but I won’t. I’ve put you through enough for one day, I think.

What I can tell you though, is that life coaches, therapists, social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists – all of us - Try. We really do. The best of us are not condescending when working with clients. We really have learned a ton of shit along the way. Even if we don’t have everything together in our own lives, we did answer a call.

We were put here on this earth, in this body, to accomplish something. Those of us who insanely choose to help other humans make the best of their own lives, or just help to get them working better… were given this task because we were ready for it in this life. And it is not easy. FUCK, it’s not easy.

Look this piece doesn’t really have a point, nor an audience, honestly. I’m not sure whom I am speaking to, other life coaches maybe. Saying, “Hey, ya’ll, it’s okay to admit that we aren’t presently perfect. Let’s be honest, at least with ourselves? Maybe? Anyone brave enough to admit it?” Or maybe I’m talking to Joe, the plumber. Saying, “Hey, ya’ll, it’s okay, we don’t have to be perfect in order to help you, or anyone for that matter. We just have to know our shit and we have a heart to help. What really matters to you? Do you really expect us to be perfect?”

Hell, maybe I’m just talking to my subconscious saying “Bitch, get over yourself.”